In brief
Grief is the natural response to losing someone you love. It has no fixed timetable and no correct order of feelings. Most people, with time and support from those around them, find that grief changes shape and becomes easier to carry, though it may never disappear.
Grief is not an illness. Professional support can still help, especially when grief is stuck, overwhelming, or tangled with guilt, trauma, depression or family conflict.
Understanding grief
Is what I’m feeling normal?
Grief can include sadness, numbness, disbelief, anger, guilt, relief (after a long illness), anxiety, longing, and physical symptoms such as exhaustion, poor sleep, appetite changes and aches. You might feel fine one day and flattened the next. Almost all of this is a normal part of grieving.
Are there stages of grief?
The well-known “five stages” are not a sequence everyone moves through, and grief rarely follows that order. Many people find it more accurate to think of moving back and forth between facing the loss (crying, remembering, missing) and getting on with daily life (work, family, routines). Both are part of healthy grieving, and taking breaks from grief is not forgetting.
Why do I still grieve years after a loss?
Because love does not end when someone dies. Many people keep an ongoing bond with the person they lost, through memories, rituals and conversations. Anniversaries, festivals, weddings and milestones can bring grief back strongly, years later. That is normal.
What is worth attention is grief that has not changed at all over a long time and keeps you from living your life (see below).
Why do I feel guilty after someone died?
Guilt is very common in grief: about things said or unsaid, decisions about care, not being there at the end, or feeling relief. Often it reflects how much you cared and how little control you had. Talking it through with someone you trust, or with a therapist, can help you hold it more gently.
Coping with loss
How do I cope with losing a parent?
Losing a parent can change your sense of home, family roles and even who you are, at any age. Let yourself grieve in your own way; keep basic routines (sleep, food, some movement); accept practical help; and share memories with others who knew them. Expect family tensions, about property, care of the surviving parent or rituals, and step back from decisions that can wait.
Do mourning rituals help?
For many families, rituals and prayers (the days of mourning, the gatherings, the annual remembrance) provide structure, community and a way to honour the person. For others they feel empty, or end just as the grief is beginning. Both are normal. You can also make personal rituals: a letter, a visit, cooking their favourite food on their birthday.
How do I grieve when I live far away, or could not be there?
Missing a death, last days or funeral because of distance, visas or travel is a particularly painful kind of loss, and it is common among Indians abroad. It can help to hold your own small remembrance, ask family to share photos and stories, and plan a visit when you can. Our page on online therapy for Indians abroad explains how we support clients overseas.
Is grief only about death?
No. People grieve breakups, divorce, pregnancy loss, the death of a pet, a diagnosis, a career that ended, leaving home, or the life they expected to have. These losses are real, even when others do not see them as grief.
How can I support someone who is grieving?
Show up, and keep showing up after the first weeks when others stop. Say the person’s name and share memories. Offer specific help (“I’ll bring dinner on Thursday”) rather than “let me know”. Avoid telling them how to feel or when to move on.
When to get help
When should I consider grief counselling or therapy?
Consider it if your grief feels unbearable or frightening, if you cannot function at work or at home months after the loss, if the death was sudden, violent or traumatic, if guilt or anger is consuming you, if you are using alcohol or other substances to cope, or if there is no one around you to grieve with.
If you are having thoughts of ending your life or harming yourself, please do not wait for a session: call Tele-MANAS 14416 (free, 24×7, in many Indian languages) or 112.
What is prolonged grief?
For a minority of people, grief stays intense and disabling for a long time. The World Health Organization’s classification (ICD-11) includes prolonged grief disorder, where intense longing for or preoccupation with the person continues well beyond what is expected in the person’s culture and community (at least six months after the loss) and causes significant difficulty in daily life. Only a qualified clinician can assess this; most grief, however painful, is not a disorder.
Is grief the same as depression?
No, though they can overlap. In grief, painful feelings usually come in waves linked to reminders of the person, and self-worth is often intact. In depression, low mood and loss of interest tend to be more constant and can include feelings of worthlessness. If you are unsure, talk to a professional. Read more in depression: signs and treatment.
Can I talk to a psychologist about grief at Rooh Mind Care?
Yes. Grief can be the focus of individual therapy with one of our psychologists, online or in Lucknow, in Hindi, English and other languages. When grief affects the whole family, family therapy may help.
When you’re ready
Fees are shown in full before you book. Online across India and abroad, in Hindi, English and other Indian languages, and in person in Lucknow.